As Bree Van De Kamp says, "I work too, I'm a Home Maker." (pix of Rosie The Riveter copied from

Friday, October 29, 2010

Tale Of The Maidless Horsewoman...

I've often been asked by friends and acquaintances this question : "How is it being a fulltime Stay-At-Home-Mom?", "I'm thinking of joining your club."

I always ask back, "Why? Aren't you happy at work?", "Do you need to be home to care for your kids?"

Most would tell me that work is okay, their remuneration packages are satisfactory, and they don't really have any serious complaints about their maids. So, why a SAHM?, I ask silently. They would then say that they are bored, they want a change, and they're fed up of maintaining their maids. They'd also ask me, "Would I need to have something to do at home, like what you have with JulesMD?", "Would I be bored if I didn't have anything to do?"

How do I respond? How do I?

And many have given me passing remarks like, "Alaa, Julie senang la, dia free dok kat rumah, boleh buat apa saje", "You best la, good life, can do your own business." Hmmm, envy much? :)

Well, my story shouldn't turn your eyes green. My story, should, I hope, give you a clearer insight to things...

Towards the end, I had been dissatisfied with how things were at work, and I wasn't seeing much of my child (Esfahan) because of work. To add to that, my husband's busy schedule took him away most evenings, nights and weekends. So it was inevitable that I made that choice. It meant that I had to give up a huge chunk of my aspirations, my financial independence, my self esteem, and just simply, myself.

It certainly wasn't an easy transition for me. To begin with, I had a challenging time dealing with being a wife, the fact that in many instances I was no longer the niece or the friend, I was now "...dan isteri". "...dan isteri"? How crappy is that? And now I have to deal with, "You kerja kat mana?". When I replied, "I kerja kat rumah.", I'd get that patronising "Oooooooo...". There was also the painful, "Oh, you don't need a degree in accountancy to be a housewife, do you?".

And it wasn't easy not getting that paycheck at the end of the month, that power I had to control my own life, to buy that new handbag whenever I wanted to, to go spa-ing whenever I wanted to. I'm not one to ask for things, if I couldn't get it myself, then I wouldn't have it. While Islam says that a husband must care for all his wife's needs, it doesn't say that the wife can't have any pride and dignity, and these two I had loads of! So, I must admit that it was quite a struggle for me, but in time I learnt to accept the changes and adjusted to them gracefully.

Today, I am happily occupied with my 3 darlings, and I have JulesMD to keep me sane. I am not yet ready to go full swing with my business though, because my priority now are my children, and I SO love every moment I spend with them. Maybe when Marrakesh has started school and all 3 are more independent, insyaAllah.

So, I hope you can now see the life of a SAHM from a broader perspective, including one who is maidless and sometimes desperate. Yes, I do strongly identify with Lynette Scavo! That was what I meant when I updated my FB status this morning with : ...all 3 boys @home, #1&2 fever tonsilitis, #3 running they sleep? Only when they hit 104! #1&2 upstairs w club penguin halloween, n marrakesh just said "mommy buat keje kat fon je la, kekesh nak tengok ultraman kat laptop mommy.", sapa2 yg nak jadi fulltime SAHM tu, fikirlah betul2... :)

Of course I still have my dreams, and I do believe that I've still got the hots to achieve them :)

1 comment:

  1. Good one Jules! I have a lot to say and share, sampai tak tau nak start kat mana. I am just immuned with the perceptions made, coz at the end of the day, they stay as perceptions and I stay as who I chose to be, at home making one end meet the other.

    Unless if those opinions can be exchanged with money, then I wouldn't the least mind.

    To be a SAHM ni, one needs a support system nearby. Kalau tak de, then one needs to be ready to let go a whole lot. You will be reduced to crumbs but at least you know the cookies were enjoyed by your loved ones. You'll learn to feed on that.

    Eh, I think you look nice in midnight blue la. I think that is more of your colour now. It makes you look extra slim.