So, we're finally settled in for today. It's Mother's Day, well, almost the end of it really, yes, and I've been a mom for 12 years this year, Alhamdulillah.
I'm feeling a little sad, coz I didn't get to spend it with my Mama, although I did talk to her on the phone and wished her Happy Mother's Day, and my kids wished her Happy GrandMother's Day. Today's agenda was rather full, so it would have been hectic for us to make our way to Klang, zig zagging around; and yesterday my whole day was spent doing something very significant for Jules, plus with all the boys' activities, so it was not practical to make a visit to Klang yesterday either.
So this morning when I awoke I thought of my mom, but I also had to get my brood moving first, to ensure everything goes on smoothly according to schedule. You see, in this household, if I don't sound the morning beacon and give the first command, no one moves. So, today would start with Damascus's Speech & Drama at KLPAC, then birthday gift shopping for Zara, Zara's Birthday Lunch, and then perhaps some refreshing Java to end the day, before going home and getting things ready for school the next day, with exams happening the whole week for all 3 boys.
I have no energy to iron their uniforms now, so I'll do that at 5am tomorrow. Now I sit and write while all 4 boys are out having dinner. Mommy wants to be alone for now to do this; but I've asked them to tapau me Tipah's fab curry chicken and steamed bread. Yes, that would be my Mother's Day dinner.
The thing is, I've been thinking of my Pah, how one day she was here and the next she wasn't. I know my mom's missing her very much too; Pah was like a mother to her as she lost her mom when she was very young. And I was talking to my cousin yesterday and she was showing me the last photos she took with Pah, at a recent family wedding. And I also miss my sister this Mother's Days coz she's in JB now working her ass off at an event, and I don't know, maybe it's also that time of the month, but I'm just not feeling so jubilant or overzealous like I always do at this time of the year. Hmmm, I think it's that time of the month lah ha... :)
Anyway, I just spoke to my mom again and she's telling me about my brother and his kids and how my sister must be wrapping up her event pretty much now and should be coming back to KL tomorrow. And my boys just called to say Tipah is closed so no curry and steamed bread for mommy; so I choose Ameer Ehsan's maggi goreng instead!
No, I don't mean to write dreary, I actually wanted to share with everyone how much having my Mama in my life has meant to me, especially since I became a mommy myself. I think this dreariness is really coz of that time of the month lah, I'm quite sure of it and I really cannot help it, heeee...
Anyway, the things I want to share...
My mom not only still breaks bread for us, she still BAKES bread for us! When her grandkids want cake, she'll bake her famous butter cake. When I want bubur sagu, she makes bubur sagu. When my husband wants keropok, she fries keropok. When my brother and sister want her nasi goreng, she makes her nasi goreng. And she would simply and happily bake mini buns coz she knows it would occupy her grandkids' time and make them happy.
She always reminds me that family is most important and precious. She reminds me that we 3 siblings, my eldest sister, my brother and me the youngest, must always keep close ties with each other and with each other's families. That her grandkids, our kids' cousins, must grow up close and united. That the younger ones must always respect the older ones and that the older ones must always guide the younger ones. She always reminds us to never forget to include each other in our gatherings and celebrations, even if not everyone can join in; the most important thing is to keep each other in the loop and never to leave anyone out, coz she says a family doesn't forget each other, a family always thinks of each other no matter how busy or difficult, a family sticks together and stays strong together.
And she still gives each of us birthday money on each of our birthdays, children, menantu, cucu-cucu, without fail!
When I let out to my mom about HOW MESSY MY KIDS ARE!!!, she calmly tells me, "Adik tolong la diorang kemas jugak, sabar, diorang besar nanti ok la semua tu, you have good, wonderful boys, syukur Alhamdulillah..." Or when I confide in her about matters concerning in-laws, she also always calmly says, without any bias or taking any any sides, "Memang macam tu la, sabar, they are good people and they are good for you, else you would just be stuck with us!" Hmmm, somehow that seems rather funny now, hehe...
Anyway, so now I'm thinking, will I ever be a wonderful mommy like my Mama? When my boys are grown and married and have their own children, will I bake brownies for them? On my own free will? If they asked me for nasi goreng, will I make them nasi goreng or will I say, "Hmm, tengok kalau Tipah buka boleh tapau kat Tipah. Or tapau kat Ameer Ehsan ke..." If they came to me with in-law problems, would I advise them maturely and unbiasly, or will I say, "I told you so..."
Will I be able to keep my family together? United and strong? Call each son or daughter-in-law or grandkids everyday or every other day, just to say Hi and to make sure everyone's fine? Will I remember everyone's birthdays and special days, and call them and give them each birthday money, of the same fair and equal amount, every year, without fail? Will I remind Esfahan of Damascus's or Marrakesh's birthdays, or of everyone's birthdays and special days?
It's really not easy you know. Well, some may say my mom only has 3 kids so it's not so hard for her to keep in touch with only 3, compared to those with 5 or 6 or 7 or more. But then again, I think there are mothers who don't call their kids, maybe coz they think it's the kids who should call them. But my mom calls, and asks me how my day is, then in the afternoon when she knows my kids would be home from school, she'd call again and talk to them, and remind them to keep their things neat and do their school work. And she and my father would seriously make sure they catch my kids' VO work on the radio or TV as much as possible. Seriously. Then my mom would call again and remind me that I have been truly blessed with such gifted kids and that I should feel very blessed and that I must take good care of all my kids, harta dunia akhirat...
Oh, will I ever truly be a good mother in the truest sense of it? After 12 years, my kids' room still perpetually looks like a tornado's hit it, I still send some of our laundry to Mr. Clean, and I think soon Ameer Ehsan will give us loyalty cards!
My father told me to learn to make bread from my mom and to start making bread myself; but I actually know how to make bread already, I just don't want to make them myself coz Mama can still make them for me.
I don't know, I guess I will only know in time. Perhaps. But if you ask me, I'll tell you that I don't think I'll be a good a mom as my own Mama is to me :)
Happy Mother's Day! xox :)
Seated in front, in the yellow baju Kedah is my Pah; this pix was taken end 2012. And there's my Mama in blue, standing on the most right... xox