This morning I sent my eldest son to his first formal motivation camp held outside of his comfort zone. In Broga, somewhere amidst the jungle where I didn't have my Digi coverage. 4 days 3 nights. He was happy and excited and he moved in very well into his group and his activities. He was brave. I was jelly. This would be the first time he'd be away from me for more than 1 night, with complete strangers who promised me my son will be fine. In the jungle. Well, to be fair, their chalets looked cool. Still, in the jungle. Even a Lulu Guinness and the Balzane couldn't work therapy on this one.
Tonight many Malaysians are watching football. I'm not a football-ie. Well, people call themselves food-ie, Trekk-ie, good-ie, so football-ie should be accepted. I am happy when Malaysia wins, so I think that's good enough. So I am watching "Seven Years In Tibet" that darling husband had downloaded earlier. We bought the book recently in Nepal. It looks like only darling husband will be the one finishing it now. I'm happy with Brad Pitt :)
This morning the personnel at Esfahan's camp passed around a tin for the Gaza Relief Fund. Yesterday I read an update on FB about a school girl being robbed of her school bag at knife point, I also put in RM10 into the donation box at the Tesco checkout counter for kids with leukaemia. My parents home were ransacked last few months. My aunty had robbers in her home who almost broke down her bedroom door with a gas tank, while they were inside. And I just heard a talk this morning at Esfahan's camp about how we must make the utmost effort to give our children the best.
Now I am thinking, what is the best?
At home here in Desa Pandan after a heavy downpour, our direct water supply will disappear. Apparently it is due to flushing; yes, so we will have the same answer again in 10 years. Electricity will just suddenly be cut off without prior notice even when we've been paying our bills diligently. Motorists won't stop at the PedXing in front of my boys' school. Cars zoom through the housing area like it's F1.
So, how do I give my kids the best?
Am I selfish to have had my children? Having them was one of the best things I've ever experienced because they give me so much joy and meaning in life. Is this selfish of me? Having them just so I can be happy? What happiness do I guarantee them? Yes, we try to give them the best that we can, especially in health and education. But for what? So that they cannot walk freely and safely to their school which is just some 100 metres away? So that when they go out riding their bicycles I'll have to tag around too so that they're not taken by sickos who abduct children and sell them as sex slaves? So I risk exposing them to robbers who don't care who they hurt? So that they cannot feel safe crossing the roads on their own coz there are motorists out there who couldn't care less about other people's children?
So that when they finish school they can come out into the world that loves war? Or in a country where people who drive brand new Toyotas and Hondas throw rubbish out the window? What is the best for my children? Keeping them safe in the house or showing them only the happy things and happy places?
I am still watching "Seven Years In Tibet"; the mean and angry people just simply cannot leave the peaceful people alone. Kids of wars around the world are dying like lame sitting ducks. We give money to Gaza, to cancer, to orphans, to the poor; we send our kids to motivational camps, to Kumon, to sports workshops, and all those tuitions. What for? So that they will throw rubbish out the car? Ride on motorbikes without helmets? Never bother to recycle and let the landfills keep on piling up? What?
Well, thank goodness Brad Pitt is right smack on my TV screen now, with the majestic Himlayas in his background. :) But then there are the scenes where people get bombed and children get killed, and I am right back to reality. Sigh...
Don't get me wrong, I still keep my faith, I will always have my faith, my faith is what drives me, InsyaAllah, but sometimes when I think about things, sigh...
I will go back to finishing some handbags now that are long overdue, million apologies to dear friends and patrons, and thank you millions too for your kind forgiveness and understanding, God bless you all.
And I am still thinking about what it is really, that is the best, that I can give my children...