But it took a lot of persistence and positive thinking. For the past month, my routine was practically reflexology, massage, acupuncture and fire cupping. I also read up about auricular therapy and did that myself at home, and I also readministered discipline in my eating habit. That too was also based on heavy research on our local traditional herbs and spices and home remedies to treat ear ailments and facial palsies.
The doctors said 1-3 months, so I'm feeling so blessed that I'm practically back to 100% after just 1 month.
I still feel some facial muscle pull when I speak, especially when I start to scream at my goons for their perpetual mess! And my ears still get a bit buzzy when I'm in a crowded place, like the restaurant, supermarket or the mall. But I guess, I should be happy that things didn't turn out for the worst.
My greatest fear throughout all this was that at the back of everything, there was always that slight possibility of the "Big C" making a play. Of course I never mentioned this in any of my earlier posts coz I didn't want to cause any unnecessary scare. That was why I forced myself to rest completely and take a break from my normal Jules operations, mainly from baking coz it involves really heavy work, especially when I'm making fondants. Mind you, I've never used an electric mixer, and all my fondants I make from scratch with marshmallow. But I love it, of course. And I've seriously missed my own brownies.
Nevertheless, I'm glad I took this break. One, coz it was good for my health, and also coz it gave me more peaceful time with my goons. Of course, peaceful in this context is very subjective, but what I mean is that, there was no need for me to rush with their homework or activities coz I was also not rushing to complete my baking and deliveries.
Marrakesh for one, is in dire need of my full attention these days, as I find that he is somehow having more difficutly finishing his homework, spelling, writing and reading. I'm not really certain why this sudden change, as he was quite the opposite last year when he was in K1. I guess it might be coz he's all alone now in kindy, without his Abang Ngah, Damascus, who's already in standard 1. And he's also trying to deal with the fact that he too will have to start standard 1 next year, which means no more Madam and all the friendly teachers and aunties to baby him anymore. But my consolation is that these days he insists on going to school early and does not whine about not wanting to go to school anymore; but the deal was that he need not go for daycare anymore either. It's a fair deal I guess, so I'm now doing my part, that is sending him early to school and fetching him right after school, and spending more quality time with him doing homework, spelling, writing and reading. Every question he asks me about stuff he learnt in school I try my best to explain fully and clearly. And after he's done with all the compulsory work and moves on to his art and crafts, I too can also carry on with my crafts :)
His older brothers, Esfahan and Damascus, are quite independent now, but they still need monster mommy when it comes to homework and tidying their room.
And thankfully, they understand that I need to spend more time with Marrakesh now, and they do their bit to help their darling Kekesh :)
So, moral of the story, my recent ailment has actually allowed me to have more meaningful moments with my preciousnesses, if there's such a word. I guess not coz there's a red dotted line beneath it, but I'll just use it anyway, my preciousnesses... :)
And as I turn 42 today, I am grateful for not only the strength that God has bestowed within me, but also for the strength, and love, that I have all around. Frankly speaking, being a mommy is ONE HELLUVA job! Only the sanely insane are ever willing to do it unconditionally. And being a sick mommy is even more difficult, more so heartbreaking, coz while your spirit wants to continue caring for your loved ones as you normally do, your flesh somehow is not able to, and this is truly disheartening, it makes you feel like you're doing such an injustice to your kids especially, coz kids really don't know better about this kind of things. They really actually depend on you completely to care for them, and when you can't, sigh... So, that's when you need the support of your family and friends the most. And having that support means all the world to me.
But, I think that the irony of it all is that, while there you are thinking that you're not doing right by your kids coz you're in bed ill and resting, your children are actually well off managing on their own, finding their own food from the fridge, having their own breakfast cereal, making their own hot chocolate, preparing their own toast with peanut butter, happily dipping their own oreos in milk, all because you have actually taught and loved them well... :)
All the joys of a mommy most often also equates to her heartaches, which eventually creates more joy. Yup, it's just something one cannot really explain, until one has become a mommy herself.
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