Happy Mother's Day 2013!

So, we're finally settled in for today. It's Mother's Day, well, almost the end of it really, yes, and I've been a mom for 12 years this year, Alhamdulillah.

I'm feeling a little sad, coz I didn't get to spend it with my Mama, although I did talk to her on the phone and wished her Happy Mother's Day, and my kids wished her Happy GrandMother's Day. Today's agenda was rather full, so it would have been hectic for us to make our way to Klang, zig zagging around; and yesterday my whole day was spent doing something very significant for Jules, plus with all the boys' activities, so it was not practical to make a visit to Klang yesterday either.

So this morning when I awoke I thought of my mom, but I also had to get my brood moving first, to ensure everything goes on smoothly according to schedule. You see, in this household, if I don't sound the morning beacon and give the first command, no one moves. So, today would start with Damascus's Speech & Drama at KLPAC, then birthday gift shopping for Zara, Zara's Birthday Lunch, and then perhaps some refreshing Java to end the day, before going home and getting things ready for school the next day, with exams happening the whole week for all 3 boys.

I have no energy to iron their uniforms now, so I'll do that at 5am tomorrow. Now I sit and write while all 4 boys are out having dinner. Mommy wants to be alone for now to do this; but I've asked them to tapau me Tipah's fab curry chicken and steamed bread. Yes, that would be my Mother's Day dinner.

The thing is, I've been thinking of my Pah, how one day she was here and the next she wasn't. I know my mom's missing her very much too; Pah was like a mother to her as she lost her mom when she was very young. And I was talking to my cousin yesterday and she was showing me the last photos she took with Pah, at a recent family wedding. And I also miss my sister this Mother's Days coz she's in JB now working her ass off at an event, and I don't know, maybe it's also that time of the month, but I'm just not feeling so jubilant or overzealous like I always do at this time of the year. Hmmm, I think it's that time of the month lah ha... :)

Anyway, I just spoke to my mom again and she's telling me about my brother and his kids and how my sister must be wrapping up her event pretty much now and should be coming back to KL tomorrow. And my boys just called to say Tipah is closed so no curry and steamed bread for mommy; so I choose Ameer Ehsan's maggi goreng instead!

No, I don't mean to write dreary, I actually wanted to share with everyone how much having my Mama in my life has meant to me, especially since I became a mommy myself. I think this dreariness is really coz of that time of the month lah, I'm quite sure of it and I really cannot help it, heeee...

Anyway, the things I want to share...

My mom not only still breaks bread for us, she still BAKES bread for us! When her grandkids want cake, she'll bake her famous butter cake. When I want bubur sagu, she makes bubur sagu. When my husband wants keropok, she fries keropok. When my brother and sister want her nasi goreng, she makes her nasi goreng. And she would simply and happily bake mini buns coz she knows it would occupy her grandkids' time and make them happy.

She always reminds me that family is most important and precious. She reminds me that we 3 siblings, my eldest sister, my brother and me the youngest, must always keep close ties with each other and with each other's families. That her grandkids, our kids' cousins, must grow up close and united. That the younger ones must always respect the older ones and that the older ones must always guide the younger ones. She always reminds us to never forget to include each other in our gatherings and celebrations, even if not everyone can join in; the most important thing is to keep each other in the loop and never to leave anyone out, coz she says a family doesn't forget each other, a family always thinks of each other no matter how busy or difficult, a family sticks together and stays strong together.

And she still gives each of us birthday money on each of our birthdays, children, menantu, cucu-cucu, without fail!

When I let out to my mom about HOW MESSY MY KIDS ARE!!!, she calmly tells me, "Adik tolong la diorang kemas jugak, sabar, diorang besar nanti ok la semua tu, you have good, wonderful boys, syukur Alhamdulillah..." Or when I confide in her about matters concerning in-laws, she also always calmly says, without any bias or taking any any sides, "Memang macam tu la, sabar, they are good people and they are good for you, else you would just be stuck with us!" Hmmm, somehow that seems rather funny now, hehe...

Anyway, so now I'm thinking, will I ever be a wonderful mommy like my Mama? When my boys are grown and married and have their own children, will I bake brownies for them? On my own free will? If they asked me for nasi goreng, will I make them nasi goreng or will I say, "Hmm, tengok kalau Tipah buka boleh tapau kat Tipah. Or tapau kat Ameer Ehsan ke..." If they came to me with in-law problems, would I advise them maturely and unbiasly, or will I say, "I told you so..."

Will I be able to keep my family together? United and strong? Call each son or daughter-in-law or grandkids everyday or every other day, just to say Hi and to make sure everyone's fine? Will I remember everyone's birthdays and special days, and call them and give them each birthday money, of the same fair and equal amount, every year, without fail? Will I remind Esfahan of Damascus's or Marrakesh's birthdays, or of everyone's birthdays and special days?

It's really not easy you know. Well, some may say my mom only has 3 kids so it's not so hard for her to keep in touch with only 3, compared to those with 5 or 6 or 7 or more. But then again, I think there are mothers who don't call their kids, maybe coz they think it's the kids who should call them. But my mom calls, and asks me how my day is, then in the afternoon when she knows my kids would be home from school, she'd call again and talk to them, and remind them to keep their things neat and do their school work. And she and my father would seriously make sure they catch my kids' VO work on the radio or TV as much as possible. Seriously. Then my mom would call again and remind me that I have been truly blessed with such gifted kids and that I should feel very blessed and that I must take good care of all my kids, harta dunia akhirat...

Oh, will I ever truly be a good mother in the truest sense of it? After 12 years, my kids' room still perpetually looks like a tornado's hit it, I still send some of our laundry to Mr. Clean, and I think soon Ameer Ehsan will give us loyalty cards!

My father told me to learn to make bread from my mom and to start making bread myself; but I actually know how to make bread already, I just don't want to make them myself coz Mama can still make them for me.

I don't know, I guess I will only know in time. Perhaps. But if you ask me, I'll tell you that I don't think I'll be a good a mom as my own Mama is to me :)

Happy Mother's Day! xox :)

Seated in front, in the yellow baju Kedah is my Pah; this pix was taken end 2012. And there's my Mama in blue, standing on the most right... xox

Happy New Year 2013!

Alhamdulillah, my family and I have safely made it through another year. There were some cuts, bruises and a facial palsy along the way, but they are well healed now without any unfortunate scars.

My father has always taught me that life, while precious, is very simple, and while most times we need to trust our inner gut feeling, we must also always try to substantiate it with rational logic. My mother always reminds me of the importance of family, and to bring up my 3 boys to love and respect each other, and to keep strong ties with other family members and relatives, coz at the end of the day family is what matters most. And some friends who are in no way related to us by blood may even be the closest family we could have.

This year has brought me much joy, Alhamdulillah. Joy, as defined in Jules Modern Life Dictionary, means good and bad, happy and sad, pretty and ugly, slim and fat, healthy and sick, smart and dumb, sane and crazy, and all those things that make us wiser and fuller and more worthy of this life that the Almighty has bestowed upon us.


Some of the most meaningful things that filled my 2012, in no particular order...

We flew to Kathmandu and caught the Himalayan view!

Lunching with my Darling friends from Matrik UUM...

Getting together with my KGV friends...

Hanging out with my OSK gang!

Partying with super fab ladies!

A memorable gathering of my Kelantan kins in Melaka...

A riot with cousins in Janda Baik!

Quality time with the Said Clan at Raziq's birthday celebration in Putrajaya...

Celebrating Darling Husband's 40th Birthday with family and friends...

MEETING TUN MAHATHIR!!! My true dream come true :)

Teachers are among the most important people in my life, and this was the final year with the Darling Teachers of Krista Taman Nirwana/Putra Sulaiman, as it was my youngest goon's, Marrakesh, final year at kindy...

I pray that 2013 will make me a better person, a better mommy. I pray it brings me and my family as much if not more joy. I pray this for all of us...

And I pray for more peace among mankind around the world, so all our children, will have better and more meaningful things to grow up to...

Happy New Year, and God Bless :)

Seven Years In Tibet

This morning I sent my eldest son to his first formal motivation camp held outside of his comfort zone. In Broga, somewhere amidst the jungle where I didn't have my Digi coverage. 4 days 3 nights. He was happy and excited and he moved in very well into his group and his activities. He was brave. I was jelly. This would be the first time he'd be away from me for more than 1 night, with complete strangers who promised me my son will be fine. In the jungle. Well, to be fair, their chalets looked cool. Still, in the jungle. Even a Lulu Guinness and the Balzane couldn't work therapy on this one.

Tonight many Malaysians are watching football. I'm not a football-ie. Well, people call themselves food-ie, Trekk-ie, good-ie, so football-ie should be accepted. I am happy when Malaysia wins, so I think that's good enough. So I am watching "Seven Years In Tibet" that darling husband had downloaded earlier. We bought the book recently in Nepal. It looks like only darling husband will be the one finishing it now. I'm happy with Brad Pitt :)

This morning the personnel at Esfahan's camp passed around a tin for the Gaza Relief Fund. Yesterday I read an update on FB about a school girl being robbed of her school bag at knife point, I also put in RM10 into the donation box at the Tesco checkout counter for kids with leukaemia. My parents home were ransacked last few months. My aunty had robbers in her home who almost broke down her bedroom door with a gas tank, while they were inside. And I just heard a talk this morning at Esfahan's camp about how we must make the utmost effort to give our children the best.

Now I am thinking, what is the best?

At home here in Desa Pandan after a heavy downpour, our direct water supply will disappear. Apparently it is due to flushing; yes, so we will have the same answer again in 10 years. Electricity will just suddenly be cut off without prior notice even when we've been paying our bills diligently. Motorists won't stop at the PedXing in front of my boys' school. Cars zoom through the housing area like it's F1.

So, how do I give my kids the best?

Am I selfish to have had my children? Having them was one of the best things I've ever experienced because they give me so much joy and meaning in life. Is this selfish of me? Having them just so I can be happy? What happiness do I guarantee them? Yes, we try to give them the best that we can, especially in health and education. But for what? So that they cannot walk freely and safely to their school which is just some 100 metres away? So that when they go out riding their bicycles I'll have to tag around too so that they're not taken by sickos who abduct children and sell them as sex slaves? So I risk exposing them to robbers who don't care who they hurt? So that they cannot feel safe crossing the roads on their own coz there are motorists out there who couldn't care less about other people's children?

So that when they finish school they can come out into the world that loves war? Or in a country where people who drive brand new Toyotas and Hondas throw rubbish out the window? What is the best for my children? Keeping them safe in the house or showing them only the happy things and happy places?

I am still watching "Seven Years In Tibet"; the mean and angry people just simply cannot leave the peaceful people alone. Kids of wars around the world are dying like lame sitting ducks. We give money to Gaza, to cancer, to orphans, to the poor; we send our kids to motivational camps, to Kumon, to sports workshops, and all those tuitions. What for? So that they will throw rubbish out the car? Ride on motorbikes without helmets? Never bother to recycle and let the landfills keep on piling up? What?

Well, thank goodness Brad Pitt is right smack on my TV screen now, with the majestic Himlayas in his background. :) But then there are the scenes where people get bombed and children get killed, and I am right back to reality. Sigh...

Don't get me wrong, I still keep my faith, I will always have my faith, my faith is what drives me, InsyaAllah, but sometimes when I think about things, sigh...

I will go back to finishing some handbags now that are long overdue, million apologies to dear friends and patrons, and thank you millions too for your kind forgiveness and understanding, God bless you all.

And I am still thinking about what it is really, that is the best, that I can give my children...

Moms Know How To Have Fun!

Of course we do!

It is true that I do love being a SAHM. I made the best decision for myself and my family when I left my job 8 years ago. OMG, it has been 8 years! Ya well, in 2004 I only had Esfahan, and after being a SAHM only did I start on the younger 2, so yes, I guess it has been that long.

While I love Mommy-ing my 3 goons full time, I always tell darling husband that I do look forward to any chance I get to be around grown ups. So, when this fabulous group of ladies, who are also fabulous moms, created this super fabulous Bollywood themed Ladies Gala Nite, I couldn't be more excited! I roped in my fab sister and my eldest niece too.

The fabulous Bollywood ladies...and as my mother quipped when she saw our event pix, in her Kelantan tone, "Chomey-chomey nyo..." :) (Thank you Nora for these photos...)

My 2 best gals, my sister Roslin and her daughter Medina...

Me and Medina, my eldest niece...


The fab crowd was made up of a good mix of ages, the teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and ++! Everyone made the effort to dress fabulously for the occasion; from the Sari, Ghagra Choli, Salwar Kameez, Churidaar Kurta to the Pattu Pavadai, complete with matching traditional Indian bling blings. Each of the fab ladies there that night was set to have a good time,the young ones in their youthful ways and the more mature ones some even wilder than the young! Hehe... Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Chammak Challo, Mohabbatein, Khabi Kushi Khabie Gham, Ledja Ledja, etc., and we had the vivacious Sathiya Group of Dancers to keep us on our feet the whole night long. There were games and lucky draws, Most Sporting and Best Dressed, but best of all was the amazing sisterhood and camaraderie that came about from all of us getting together and letting loose to the fab Bollywood ambience.

And like other good things these fab ladies do, the gala night not only provided a dance floor for many moms to let loose, it also managed to raise funds towards their charity pool and various benevolent efforts.

So at the end of the day, we moms are fun people and we know when and how to have fun. No, we don't have Bollywood parties every night, but when we do, we usually create some good out of it, InsyaAllah :)

Mommy's Restoration Works

Aarrgghh!!! It's been really busy, busy, busy!

Esfahan asked to continue with his Speech & Drama class; Esfahan also didn't do too well in his Bahasa Malaysia during the last exam, the B that pulled him down in his class's "Hall of Fame" standings; Marrakesh's teacher pointed out that he is not understanding some of his school work, namely general knowledge and mathematics, and she admitted that she got rather impatient with him; Damascus...well, this one hadn't shown any problem with his school work but he is really becoming more of a rascal especially to his brothers.

So, on top of the existing Quran, piano, horse riding, swimming, school co-curriculum, etc., for Esfahan now, it is Speech & Drama every Saturday morning, Bahasa Malaysia workbook exercises every afternoon; Kumon Mathematics for Marrakesh every Tuesday and Saturday, not to mention the daily homework; and Damascus is still quite idle and getting more restless, especially since we took away their TV coz they weren't keeping up with my housekeeping standards, so he's missing his Backyard Science and Adventure Time.

Under these circumstances, I think I don't have much choice but to reinstate their TV privilege, so that at least Damascus will stay out of Esfahan's and Marrakesh's hair while they're both doing their additional work. He's used up all the origami paper and depleted the A4 papers in stock, so I think I just have to give them their TV back. Damascus's Saturday is still open, so I must find something to fill it up quickly, before he decides to create his own big bang!

All this to restore stability and equilibrium in everyone's lives... :)

And talking about restoration, I am so glad to say that I've found the experts who can restore our wonderful upright C.Steinbert back to her original glory, at a cost that's well below her market value :)

Restoring

Respecting My Children's Expectations

Another Krista Parenting Talk this morning, and as usual it was great! Well, except for the fact that we all had to endure more than an hour delay because of the matter with the stage curtain.

Anyhow, all was well after the wonderful kids started to sing and dance and perform acts. They were all so fabulous! I'd initially been a bit reluctant to go coz this would've been the umpteenth time that I'd attended a Krista Parenting Talk, since all my 3 boys had gone here and Damascus and Marrakesh having both started at age 3. But, because Marrakesh was performing, I couldn't not go to see my darling bunbun (bun for buncit!)

Overall, the talk stressed on building strong relationships with your kids, something which I am so grateful I have, Alhamdulillah. Then came the Q&A session which caught my attention.

A father was concerned that the iPad he bought his daughter may start to cause more harm than good. A mother asked about how to teach her child to manage/avoid being bullied in school. Another mother was worried that her son was watching too much cartoons at home, while a couple's issue was that both their kids still sleep with them. There was also a discussion on sex in early childhood education.

iPad. I believe that if parents want to give their kids iPad or let their kids use iPad, the parents must also be willing to closely supervise their kids' usage of the iPad, work with them properly and not just leave the iPad with them to explore on their own, especially kids below 12. Personally, I do not agree when parents use the iPad as a replacement attention giver. The worst I've seen was a toddler, sitting in the restaurant's high chair, enjoying the program on the iPad placed nicely in front of her, while her parents enjoyed their dinner and talked between themselves. Is this respecting your child, or treating her like a "thing" you own? I believe that if you want to go out to some nice place and enjoy some nice meal, and you don't want the hassle of minding your child, don't bring the child. If you have no option coz you don't have anyone to mind the child for you at home while you're out, then don't go out. Isn't this what parenting is about? The iPad is supposed to enrich us, not substitute our parenting role.

Bullies. I tell my kids to just play it cool. If they think they can't handle the other kids, then just leave it alone, even if it means their egos get bruised. Better their egos than themselves! At the same time, I also tell them that this world is made up of so many things and so many people, and that they cannot expect everyone to be the same or think, feel and be like them. They must learn to accept people as they are. If they don't harm you, you don't harm them. If they are good to you, you be good to them. If they gel with you, you gel with them; if not, then just carry on minding your own business.

Cartoons. My kids watch TV ALL the time. But when I tell them to stop, they stop. My opinion about TV is that it's only bad when you lose control of it. I know that when my kids watch TV, it's because they expect to learn something new, eg. from Art Attack, Fingertips, Waktu Rehat, Phineas & Ferb. They also want to watch MTV coz they want to catch the latest hit songs, but this I must supervise closely, and my kids know what they can and cannot watch because we have given them strict guidelines which they respect.

Bedtime. I've been putting my kids in their own bed since they were each 1+ months old, after confinement. Yes, it required a lot of work waking up and walking that 10-15ft distance from my room to theirs each time they awoke or asked for feeds, but it was an effort worth taking. Some people say it was easy for me coz I didn't breastfeed. But what's easier about bottle feed? I had to clean and sterilise bottles, fill up the flask and water bottle, make sure formula is always in stock, and get the milk done. Easier? And a baby that age still needs to be cradled when feeding. Easier? Well, darling husband was also very supportive, when I couldn't gather the strength, he'd feed the boys. He still does, pour milk for each boy before bed :) And whenever we traveled, we'd get 2 adjoining rooms, unless rooms are not available or budget does not permit. But most times it'll be 2 adjoining rooms or no travel. Our boys are all manja; they'd still get in bed with mommy and ayah if they're not well or after they're awakened by a bad dream, even 11 year old abanglong; or ayah would sleep in the boys' room while mommy nurses the sick offspring. Marrakesh however, still has some attachment issues, maybe coz he is the youngest; or maybe coz when he was a baby we had a day maid who used to "gendong" him everytime everywhere, and when she stayed over to babysit she would let him sleep with her coz it was easier for her to manage. But all in all, my kids sleep in their own room. About being afraid to sleep on their own because they're afraid of the dark or ghosts, we never had that issue coz we never encouraged them to be afraid of ghosts and we didn't tell them ghost stories; we always tell them that God is always with them, and He has angels always watching over them to keep them safe. When they grew older they would recite Al-Fatihah and the 3 Quls and then go to sleep, after their bedtime story of course, something they expect to get :)

And fyi, my mother breastfed all 3 of us, my sister, my brother and me, and we never slept with our parents after confinement.

Sex in early childhood education. This is something I really need help with. I could read and google about it all I can, but it would be best if I could hear it first hand from someone with ample knowledge and experience.

At the end of the talk, the speaker circulated feedback forms and among the questions asked was, what I would try to do next to improve my relationship with my kids? 1st, have more patience; 2nd RESPECT THEIR EXPECTATIONS.

I'd like to reiterate an incident.

My dear friend Lee Kuen had invited us to her kids' violin concerto at MPO. I was so thrilled coz I wanted my kids to appreciate classical music. Esfahan had previously been to several piano concertos at the MPO concert hall, and both he and Damascus went to see Barbar The Elephant & Peter The Wolf there with their music class, and all 3 had been to stage performances at Istana Budaya. So, I thought they would enjoy the kids' violin concerto and they would know how to behave appropriately. Oops! Big mistake, HUGE! And it was MY mistake. I was enjoying the concert, all those talented kids playing violin so well and they were all so wonderful! But my boys were getting ULTRA restless. They like Jay Chou, Adam Levine and LMFAO. I always remind them that before they can play or create music like that they must learn the basic music first, and classical is the root of all good music; and I'm always telling them that Jay Chou majored in classical music before he started creating his own rap and pop music. But their restlessness was getting out of hand; they started to argue about who's sitting where, running from aisle to aisle, swivel their seats and at one point Marrakesh just swooshed out of his chair! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Then finally Lee Kuen pointed out that my boys were just too restless and she suggested that I should take them out for a breather. AAAAAAAAAAA!!! At that point I felt like I was the worst mommy of all time and that my boys were the biggest monsters on the face of the universe! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! We left the hall and never returned.

I texted an apology to Lee Kuen and she was very forgiving and understanding. Thank you Lee Kuen, XOX! When we got home I punished my boys for BIG TIME BAD BEHAVIOR! I sent them to bed without dinner; but only because they had had some food before the concert earlier. I justified that. Then I cried.

I was alone coz darling husband was away for his annual company trip. I started to think about what had actually happened. I was angry with my kids because they were acting like monsters in the concert hall. But why did they behave that way? Why were they restless? While I was enjoying the music, did I bother to ask them if they were enjoying it too? Or did I just simply selfishly want them to enjoy and appreciate what I believe to be good for them? Did I try to shoosh and sheesh them to sit still and be quiet and enjoy the show just because I wanted them to enjoy it? Then I realised that, I didn't actually care about what they thought of and how they felt about the concert. I realised that I just was angry because they refused to obey me when I told them to sit still and enjoy the concert. Can I really force them to sit still and enjoy something that doesn't interest them that much? Yes, they were familiar with some of the songs, but were they really enjoying it? Did I care? No, I didn't care, I was just angry because they didn't obey me and they did not submit to my demands. I didn't get what I wanted, so I got angry. They didn't get what they expected, so they became restless. I didn't respect their expectations. I must learn to respect their expectations.

Having said that, I must also instill some discipline in my kids. They must know that they can't just run around making noise everytime they get restless and not respect others around them. They must observe common courtesy and the generally accepted behavioral practices. :)