Bringing Up Children : Public or Private School?

I was reading the newspaper today, something I have not done for so long. When I say read I mean really reading, cover to cover, not just flipping through to pick out the highlights or to spot the best discounts on milk and cheese. Well, it WAS the most logical thing to do while waiting for the car to be serviced.

And I came to a column by Daphne Iking. I didn't even know Daphne Iking had a column. Anyway, Daphne was talking about the task of choosing the right school for our children. She presented some good points but I can't help feel that she should have spoken to more people from the public school.

I personally believe that be it public or private school, parents must first determine what they want for their children. The moment I decided to settle down I had already known what I want for my children, if I were to be blessed with them. Health and education. The 2 things my husband and I now hold priority in our family.

I grew up in an average lower middle income family. My parents were both public school teachers and I saw how much effort they put in to make everything work for my siblings and I. It had always been health and education for us and their system worked. So, I followed the same model, with some improvs to keep it relevant with present time, of course.

At the very beginning, healthwise, I wanted firstly a good ob-gyn (must be female because that's what I'm comfortable with) and a good paediatrician. I sought advice from more experienced friends and they recommended Dr Jean Woo and Dato' Dr Vernon VV Lee, and that determined the hospital, Gleneagles Intan Medical Center. And they are also only a 10 minute drive from home.

Then came preschool. I remember my Bunga Raya Kindergarten in Klang, Mrs Ismail and Mrs Johari especially. I enjoyed my time there so I wanted something like that for my children too. I found it in Krista Kindergarten, and the closest to us is Krista Taman Nirwana. One of their focul points is the spirit of benevolence. This closed the deal.

When it was time for primary school, of course the closest to us is Sekolah Kebangsaan Desa Pandan, SKDP. Some friends said the school may not be challenging enough and that I should try to place them in the "more elite" schools, where the more elite people go. This is with the assumption that the more elite enjoy better privileges.

Well, by this time I had already 3 kids and was a fulltime SAHM trying to swing her business in between, so convenience became a determining factor, and SKDP was indeed most convenient. Coincidentally at this time SKDP had been "adopted" by the Information Ministry, and as such received enough attention from the "right" people. Private school could not be an option.

So, it has been SKDP these past 4 years for Esfahan and Alhamdulillah he is thriving well, as a student and as a strong individual. Damascus has also been accepted to SKDP next year and is looking forward to his orientation in December.

All this sounds plain and simple, but in actual fact it required a LOT of effort from Mommy and Ayah. Well, the truth is, I'd very much like to claim much of the credit, coz it was Mommy who did all the necessary groundwork, feasibility studies and conclusions. Ayah had an easier time making up his mind, coz Mommy had already decided! :)

Health and Education. This includes good medical and education plans, good food, good mental+physical+social development, good enrichment programs, etc., etc. We gave them Tumble Tots, KidSports, theme parks, good eat outs, outstation/overseas holidays, Quran reading+fardhu ain classes, piano lessons, art+craft classes, horse riding lessons, chess camps, swimming lessons, philharmonic concerts, movies, parties, Borders, MPH, The Big Bad Wolf and all that jazz!

I make sure that my kids interact with as many different people as possible and in as many different surroundings as possible. They have friends from school, friends from piano class, friends from KidSports, friends/kins from Mommy's/Ayah's sides, friends from the horse circle, etc. And they have different teachers who teach them different things in different arenas.

I want them to learn to acknowledge and respect the different peoples of the world be it in their small or big pictures. I want them to be independent and develop their own sense of individuality, while embracing good values. Most importantly I want them to know the right and the wrong.

Not easy.

And my children are all boys. In Islam and in many cultures, the male gender would carry bigger roles and responsibilities in their adulthood. To impress upon them the seriousness of their role as future leaders who must eventually contribute progressively to their families/communities requires not only skill and wisdom, but also a lot of heart.

So bottomline is, in my opinion, all schools are good, public or private. It all depends on what parents want for their children. Coz when it comes to building and growing children, the bulk of it is still really on the parents (or/and guardians).

Quality Time...

...is what every family must have with and for each other. My family is not perfect and I must admit that it takes a lot of effort not to let ourselves fall too deep into the abyss of the tech world. No doubt we need to be tech progressive, but the basic natural life and quality time is always most meaningful and enriching.

I realise that my posts lately dwell on time with our loved ones, our children especially. Well, as I see the many things happening around me daily, the ones that affect me most are issues relating children, and the saddest is when children get "lost" with very low chances of finding their way back.

So, anyway, I've always told myself that 40 will be my turning point towards a new life. A life where I can start focusing on myself and develop JulesMD. But 40 came and my boys' lives also started flourishing. I once thought that we could flourish together parallelly, but it has been quite obvious to me thus far that for my boys to flourish optimally, my own agenda has to decelerate somewhat. No, I'm not complaining, it's just been a rather surprising awakening. Sometimes I envy women with jolting careers who are now being driven in their BMWs and have their Furlas personally delivered to them, looking sharp in their tailored Armani or Raoul, while I most times leave the house looking like the hired help! Sometimes, especially at red lights, I think people turn to me and say, "Waa, these days maids also can drive aaa?" :)

Then I think of the times when I am able to nurse my parents or loved ones at the hospital, drive and accompany my folks for their routine checkups, hold and comfort my kids any moment they're unwell or insecure, I think that, okay, there's a good reason why I am a SAHM. When an emergency arises and I am able to rush to the sight conveniently and prove myself worthy of being, then I am again assured of my significance in this world. And I thrive on the fact that I can always be there for my boys to remind them that there's more to this world than school, piano, mengaji, kidsports, MPH, TGV and Nick Jr., there is life itself.

And how precious life is. We mustn't take anything forgranted. We must optimise every little bit of time we have with our loved ones. Make it quality time. It's effort worth making...

At El Campo Equestrian...
...thanks Che Ad for this lovely shot :)

At the recent Il Volo Showcase...letting the talent flow... Piero~Esfahan, Gianluca~Damascus, Ignazio~Marrakesh... :)
...credit pix to Universal Music

Time With The Children...

...is among the most precious and meaningful moments of my life.

Sometimes I tend to be selfish and become too engrossed with my own things that I get annoyed when my boys come to me and ask me to do this and that with them. Then when my maternal senses hit back at me, I realise that nothing beats the joy of sincerely and whole heartedly hanging out with them.

The past school holidays allowed some free time for mommy while the boys chilled with their grandfolks in Klang. But much of it was at home with school projects, chess camp and a getaway to The Lost World Of Tambun.

3 boys, 3 different individuals, 3 different characteristics, 3 different needs, 3 different approaches. It seriously does get very demanding, but well, I'd already decided to deal with that when I decided to have them. Right? :) And it becomes more challenging as they grow, as their stripes become more distinct and bold.

Esfahan has terabytes of stuff in his CPU which he needs to continually download, and it really does take a lot of energy to continually listen to him pour out his knowledge and findings of the day. But Esfahan needs a lot of pushing, for him to actually remain focused and keep to his program, else he will digress and branch out into so many other things, most times straying out of context. Once he gets something done, he'll just be okay about it, and will proceed to other things that interest him at that time; he'll just be on his way, oblivious to the rest of the world.

Damascus is very demanding. He knows exactly what he wants and will go to great lengths to get it. Most of the time he'd want to have it done his way, but he's open to suggestions, as long as he gets it. That was how he got his asymmetrical origami cranes to evolve into perfectly structured crafts overnight; piece after piece of origami paper until the wee hours of the night. He won't stop until he gets it, and he would insist that we stand there by him to help him get it right. And when he does achieve his goal, he would give us the biggest and warmest hug and the sloppiest kiss any child could give.

Marrakesh is still the baby. Going on 5, but still the little bear in the family. And his 2 older brothers baby him too. Marrakesh would imitate everything that Damascus does, and tries to measure up, but he will never ask for help from Damascus, he will always go to his Abang Long for that. But Marrakesh is fierce, very fierce, cross him and he'll morph into a tiger, even bigger than the great Siberian! And he'll take his own time to cool down, after which he'll give you the sweetest smile :)

But all in all, they're growing up very fast and they really need more space to expand. I try to bring them out as much as I can, and take them to my parent's place in Klang whenever we have the time. In Klang, they not only have ample space to move, but they are also therapy for my folks, who thrive on their 6 grandchildren.

At the end of the day, I always remind myself that however demanding, stressful or frustrating it may seem, I must always try to give my children my best attention. They don't ask for much, just my time, and lots and lots of milk!


Having a go at TokAbah's RC planes and helis...


Chillin' at Tanjung Harapan...


A night out at I-City...


Esfahan's 1st chess camp...


Getaway to The Lost World Of Tambun


Esfahan's "Gua Batu Kapur", for his Kajian Tempatan assignment...

Pay Attention To Our Children...

These past few days have been rather difficult. I found out that the eldest son of one of my dearest friends got into some trouble and had been held in police custody for 2 weeks today.

I saw him grow from a toddler and now he's in his early 20s. Somewhere along the way, something must have gone wrong and now he's going through what I believe must be the worst time of his life.

I won't go through the nitty gritty, but at this point we still don't know whether he'll be released or what his chances may be. It is sad, very, very sad, and I'm controlling my tears now as I write.

But I still write because I feel that this is something I should share.

Children do not come in a "one size fits all" thingy. Children are not guaranteed to do good things because they've been taught good things. Children need not do things intelligently because they are intelligent. Children need not do as we say because we tell them to do so. Children are children, and while they are our greatest joys, they can also be our greatest heartaches. But I guess, as parents, we must always try to pay the fullest attention to our children. No matter how tired we may be, no matter how *toot* our day had been, no matter how, no matter what, we must always be there for our children, always.

Our lives go on, I still do all the things I have to do, but it's been difficult. I can only imagine what my darling friend is going through. My heart and my prayers are with her...

Mars Needs Moms

Damascus cried watching the movie, he said, "Acus tak naklah tengok cerita ni mommy, Acus rasa sedih,", curling up in my lap and hugging me. It was actually very moving, not the typically fun and loony kids' animation movie, all moms and children should watch it :) I cried because Damascus cried...

Anyway, my latest game plan is working well so far. All 3 boys are washing their own cups and plates as best as they can, and they now place greater value on their belongings, ie. cups, plate/bowl and cutlery. They're still messy of course, toys everywhere and dirty clothes outside the laundry basket, but they diligently bring their cups and plates to the kitchen after being excused from the dining table, and they will certainly wash their dishes; when their plates and cutlery get too greasy, mommy or ayah will help them surely :)

My Latest Game Plan

Every morning I wake up to a sink full of empty glasses and milk cartons, that everything overflows to the counter top. This is really not good for anyone's mental. It's worse during school days because I have to rush preparing school uniforms, lunch boxes, and whatever last piece of homework that needs to be done or packed into school bags.

I seldom clear the dishes and prep my kids' stuff at night because I do my Jules work at night, after we have all kow tim homework and dinner, and I have mellowed down with coffee alongside CSIs or Castle. And most times while I'm working, my kids will get their own milk and water themselves. By the time I'm too tired to continue with work, I'm also too tired to deal with the other stuff. But if I'm baking, then it's a different matter coz I'll surely clear the sink and kitchen before I start.

So anyway, yesterday, after spending the whole day cleaning house, I decided on a new game plan. That each boy will have only 2 glasses to use day in and day out (they need 2 instead of only 1 because sometimes they both have juice/milk and water during 1 meal). Once they are done with the glass they must wash it or they won't have any glass to use, because mommy has kept all the other glasses, dishes and cutlery in a secret hiding place. The same goes with their bowls and plate and cutlery. And if they use our grown ups' stuff they will be punished, whereby their favourite toy or current favourite belonging will be taken away from them.

Yes, this may sound like something Cruella De Vil would conjure, but the thing is, when my boys are at my parents', they do actually wash their own dishes! Because everytime before I leave them there I'll tell them that they must help TokMama because TokMama tak larat. So, in Klang, they wash their dishes, they help put their laundry in the washer then into the dryer or the drying line, they make their beds and they clean their room! Something that they miraculously become unable to do at home! My mom has always been great with kids, but I figured that this isn't about my mom's Mary Poppins factor, but perhaps more about mommy having to juice out the Cruella De Vil in her, muahahahaha...

Many other supermoms out there may have already been doing this and excelled, but I suppose I've been too soft. But no more...muahahahaha!!!

So, we're entering the 2nd day of this new regime, and things are looking promising. They can already manage to shower and clean themselves, so now they must get into the habit of keeping the other stuff clean, neat and orderly. They still have much to go in making their beds and putting their dirty clothes into (not around) the laundry basket, but at least these haven't yet disrupted my state of mind. Darling husband and I had thrown out (3rd round) some more of their unkept toys last few days after ayah's final outburst, so where their toys are concerned they know very well what they need to do.

Today I'll work on their wardrobe. Bob The Builder? Ben10? Superman? Ultraman? Heh, sorry kiddos, all will be gone if you don't start getting your acts right. I hope they realise that we seriously mean business, muahahahaha... :)

Happy International Women's Day 2011

Here's wishing all FAB WOMEN out there a Happy International Women's Day! May we all continue to enrich and empower ourselves as we grow strongly alongside global progress, may we continue to contribute positively towards our family and friends as well as the needs of our community and society, and may we remain relevant among our piers and the ever exciting opposite sex! InsyaAllah... :)